Today is the day I had an epiphany. And while it probably won't be the last time I've had an "Aha!" moment since starting college, it's pretty damn meaningful. You see, these past four days have been my university's Fall Break. And while everyone and their mother travelled off-campus to Chicago, or Toronto, or NYC, or home, I've been stuck here in The Land studying for all my midterms which were conveniently scheduled for after Fall Break. In between those hours spent on the empty second floor of the library memorizing psych notecards, I realized that it sucks to be alone.
Yes.
This is coming from the girl who has told prospective students and family friends that being alone and independent in college is "the most liberating and wonderful feeling in the world." Being alone just...sucks.
And I'm not saying that just because I've been resigned to being the eternal fifth wheel in my group of friends (though that is partially true). As someone who lived on a rowdy floor in her freshmen year where being alone was nearly impossible, being alone now is different. It's a new sensation. Being alone makes it so easy for me to get wrapped up inside my head about everything and nothing. Being alone has me thinking about what my friends think of me. It has me wondering what the absolute hell I'm doing with my life. It has me wondering if I'll be enough for my friends, my peers, my family, for myself, even.
And that's the scary part.
